Ask Captain Dramatic

Captain Dramatic wanted to let everyone in on a top ten list he created. Here it is:

Top Ten Ways To Piss Off My Mom:

(he does get to say the word piss, but this is as ugly as I ever let him get with his speech....sorry. These are in no particular order, and I can attest that he has learned them all through personal experience. He dictated this to me while I wrote it down.)

1. Write on her walls or furniture with a permanent marker. It took me a week to scrub it off the walls, and my hands got all wrinkly from the rubber gloves.

2. Pee in the cat's litter pan and not the toilet. Mom said the cat would use the toilet too if she was big enough not to fall in.

3. Tear up a book by reading with my feet. Mom said that is why God gave us hands.

4. Use the words "hate", "dude" or "freaking" more than once a month, and whatever you do, don't use them in the same sentence. "Dude, I freaking hate you" will get you a spanking.

5. Don't point guns at people or animals, even if they are toy guns. If you do, the toy gets thrown away. If the cat scratches you because you shot her with a nerf ball, mom doesn't feel sorry for you.

6. Thinking I know everything and arguing about it. Especially driving a car. Mom once made me try and drive my half of the car over the railroad tracks. I couldn't.

7. Farting or burping at the dinner table gets me sent to my room. My friends laugh, but mom doesn't.

8. Blaming things on other people when it is my fault. The cat can't hold a crayon and spell my name on the wall three feet from the floor.

9. Cheating at games, lying about stuff, or quiting. Mom says the only things I should quit are cheating at games and lying.

10. Listening to my friends and not to my mom. When Austin C. told me not to get my homework, I got grounded from my Wii, not Austin C.