Yeah! What she says!

Yeah! What she says!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Thomas Paine


Today's Quote:
"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Abraham Lincoln


Today's Quote:
"I love the man who can smile in trouble, gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Richard Bach


Today's Quote:
"And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Albert Einstein


Today's Quote:
"In order to live happily and free, you may have to sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wednesday's Hero

border="1" alt="Chief Warrant Officer 4 Michael McEvers & Chief
Warrant Officer 3 Matthew McEvers">
Chief
Warrant Officer 4 Michael McEvers & Chief Warrant Officer 3 Matthew
McEvers
alt="U.S. Army">

Chief Warrant Officer 4 Michael McEvers, left, of Troop F, 1st
Squadron, 17th Cavalry Regiment and his twin brother, Chief Warrant
Officer 3 Matthew McEvers of Troop D, 1st Sqdn., 17th Cav. Regt. Task
Force Saber, pre-celebrated their 40th birthday by flying together in
the OH-58 Kiowa Warrior, the helicopter the brothers have been flying
for 10 years together.


Photo Courtesy U.S. Army Taken By
Abbie Bennett

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so
others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them
Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When
There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To LookSIZE>


This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more
information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on
your site, you can go href="http://rightwingrightminded.blogspot.com/2006/08/wednesday-hero-blogroll.html">here.

border="1" alt="Wednesday Hero Logo">

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Berthold Auerbach


Today's Quote:
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Nelson Mandela


Today's Quote:
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Abraham Lincoln


Today's Quote:
"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Ask Captain Dramatic

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


This week's question comes from our friend Pokey.

Pokey: Captain Dramatic, how can you be such a cool dude when you live in such a hot place?


CD: Cool dudes have force fields with climate control. Mom calls it air conditioning, but it is a force field with climate control.

Pokey also notes:

P.S. I know you already know it, but you are pretty awesome.


Thanks Pokey. 12 year olds need reminders every now and again. Even "cool dude" ones, but they don't admit it.

To learn how you can submit your questions to Captain Dramatic, click here. Don't be shy!

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Emily Dickinson


Today's Quote:
"Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Henry Ward Beecher


Today's Quote:
"Forever is composed of nows."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Will Rogers


Today's Quote:
"It is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

That day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Martin Luther King, Jr.


Today's Quote:
"A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wednesday's Hero

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Kathi

Maj. Gen. John R. Alison
Maj. Gen. John R. Alison
98 years old from Washington, D.C.
75th Fighter Squadron, 1st Air Commando Group
November 21, 1912 – June 6, 2011
U.S. Army Air Corps

"John Alison had the greatest pure flying skill of any pilot in the theater — a touch on the controls that knew no equal. His talents were matched only by his eagerness for combat" - Maj. David Lee "Tex" Hill

John R. Alison, a retired Air Force major general and World War II fighter ace who helped lead a nighttime invasion by glider into enemy-held Burma — a logistical feat that included the transport of troops, heavy machinery and even mules, died June 6 at his home in Washington.


You can read more about Maj. Gen. John Alison here and here and view an interview with him here

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.
Wednesday Hero Logo

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Marilyn Monroe


Today's Quote:
"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Albert Einstein


Today's Quote:
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Dale Carnegie


Today's Quote:
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Confucius


Today's Quote:
"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Hugh Downs


Today's Quote:
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Maureen Dowd


Today's Quote:
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's rubbish. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

She said:
"Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."


I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Charles Dickens


Today's Quote:
"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Wednesday's Hero

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Cindy

Sgt. 1st Class Leroy Arthur Petry
Sgt. 1st Class Leroy Arthur Petry
31 years old from Santa Fe, New Mexico
2nd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment
U.S. Army

Yesterday, July 12, Sgt. 1st Class Leroy Arthur Petry became the second living recipient of the Medal Of Honor from the War On Terror.

On May 26, 2008 Sgt 1st Class Petry lost his right hand when the enemy grenade he threw back, saving the lives of two of his fellow Soldiers, detonated. Despite the injury Sgt 1st Class Petry managed to tie a tourniquet around his arm and continued to fight.


You Can Read More About Sgt. 1st Class Petry Here

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.
Wednesday Hero Logo

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Leo Aikman


Today's Quote:
"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Erica Jong


Today's Quote:
"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Confucius


Today's Quote:
"Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Walter Savage Landor


Today's Quote:
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Ralph Waldo Emerson


Today's Quote:
"We are no longer happy as soon as we wish to be happier."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Erica Jong


Today's Quote:
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group
was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The mens group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The womens group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model..

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a
sense of humor.



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Lawana Blackwell


Today's Quote:
"Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Charles Dickens


Today's Quote:
"Age is no guarantee of maturity."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Michael

2nd Lt. William Edward Metzger, Jr.
2nd Lt. William Edward Metzger, Jr.
22 years old from Lima, Ohio
729th Bombardment Squadron, 452nd Bomb Group (Heavy)
November 9, 1944
U.S. Army Air Forces

On May 16, 1945 2nd Lt. William E. Metzger was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions six months earlier. His citation reads:

"On a bombing run upon the marshaling yards at Saarbr├╝cken, Germany, on 9 November 1944, a B17 aircraft on which 2d Lt. Metzger was serving as copilot was seriously damaged by antiaircraft fire. Three of the aircraft's engines were damaged beyond control and on fire; dangerous flames from the No. 4 engine were leaping back as far as the tail assembly. Flares in the cockpit were ignited and a fire roared therein which was further increased by free-flowing fluid from damaged hydraulic lines. The interphone system was rendered useless. In addition to these serious mechanical difficulties the engineer was wounded in the leg and the radio operator's arm was severed below the elbow. Suffering from intense pain, despite the application of a tourniquet, the radio operator fell unconscious. Faced with the imminent explosion of his aircraft and death to his entire crew, mere seconds before bombs away on the target, 2d Lt. Metzger and his pilot conferred. Something had to be done immediately to save the life of the wounded radio operator. The lack of a static line and the thought that his unconscious body striking the ground in unknown territory would not bring immediate medical attention forced a quick decision. 2d Lt. Metzger and his pilot decided to fly the flaming aircraft to friendly territory and then attempt to crash land. Bombs were released on the target and the crippled aircraft proceeded along to Allied-controlled territory. When that had been reached 2d Lt. Metzger personally informed all crewmembers to bail out upon the suggestion of the pilot. 2d Lt. Metzger chose to remain with the pilot for the crash landing in order to assist him in this emergency. With only 1 normally functioning engine and with the danger of explosion much greater, the aircraft banked into an open field, and when it was at an altitude of 100 feet it exploded, crashed, exploded again, and then disintegrated. All 3 crewmembers were instantly killed. 2d Lt. Metzger's loyalty to his crew, his determination to accomplish the task set forth to him, and his deed of knowingly performing what may have been his last service to his country was an example of valor at its highest."

2nd Lt. Metzger's pilot, 1st Lt. Donald J. Gott, was also awarded the Medal Of Honor for his actions that day. A video tribute to the three men lost.


These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.
Wednesday Hero Logo

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Ralph Waldo Emerson


Today's Quote:
"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Fourth Of July

I usually find a wonderful and patriotic slide show to post on my blog for the Fourth Of July, and I may still do that, but I ran across this, and felt I had to share.

You see, it surprised me. I was impressed by what was said, how it was said, and who it was said by. More importantly, I was impressed by how right it was. It doesn't capture everything that makes Americans who they are, or why we feel the way we do, but it comes a lot closer than I have heard previously from a "non-American".

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Art Buchwald


Today's Quote:
"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Francois De La Rochefoucauld


Today's Quote:
"The best things in life aren't things."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Buddha


Today's Quote:
"It is easier to be wiser for others than for ourselves."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Pierre Teilhard de Chardin


Today's Quote:
"Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others, consider only what by oneself is done or left undone."


Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

How countries handle terrorist threats:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.


I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)