An Experience

Before I let any of you read any further, I took some time deciding if I should even write this post. It took me even longer to decide to go through with actually posting it. It is about something that happened to me Friday night. It hurt me pretty deeply.

On Friday, my husband and I were with some of our closest friends at a place all of us love. We go there often to visit with each other. We all enjoy our time there a great deal. It is a family fraternity that my husband and I are both members of. My parents are also members there. Many of the men there are my father's age, and many of them veterans. I am very proud of all of them.

I was talking to a lady friend of mine, and telling her that on Saturday I was going with my son's cub scout pack to the veterans cemetery to place flags on the graves, and that I was very excited to be able to do this. These are of course just some of the men and women who deserve to be remembered.

The gentleman to her left, also a friend of ours, and a veteran, took that opportunity to remind me that I had no idea what I was doing as I had never been to a war, or even in the armed forces, and that I should just let veterans forget about the whole thing and let it go.

As I am sure you can all guess, I didn't mean to offend anyone, least of all a veteran. I had no idea that my showing my gratitude and being so happy to do so would be a problem for someone. I said as much, but probably not in so many words. I was too busy being hurt by his words and on the verge of tears to be too eloquent.

This person went on to say that I just shouldn't talk. I should listen. I should listen to what they have to tell me. This is something I have always done, but they rarely tell me anything. As this gentleman said before, he, and many others, want to bury their past. I have been respectful of that, and even understand it. I have tried to anyway. I might ask a question, but I have never pushed the issue as some of the memories have got to be painful. I voiced all of this (at least the majority of it), and then said "I am listening, so tell me what it is that you think I am not hearing". To this he told me again to stop talking.

I wasn't sure where any of this was coming from. I had just mentioned to someone else that I was excited to be able to go to the cemetery with the kids and place flags on the graves of those who done a duty to all Americans. I am proud of those people. Those that have served for this country have my complete and total respect. They have my love and admiration. They are the reason that I can be proud to be an American. I may have mentioned some of this to my friend as well as I remember that he started talking about how I only have the privilege of being an American because of the veterans. Like I didn't know that!

He went on to talk about how as a woman I had no right to have an opinion about politics, or the military. Isn't that what he was fighting for? Well, yes, but that didn't mean that I had any idea what I was talking about. I was in tears by now. Maybe I don't have any idea what I am talking about. I simply looked at him and said that I was sorry, and that I wouldn't bring up going to the cemetery with the scouts and putting flags on graves within ear shot of him again. I promptly order a stiff drink and proceeded to ignore him the rest of the night.

I am still hurt by this event. None of it made sense. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from and I sure as hell wasn't going to get a straight answer out of him. Answer me this. Why do I have to care about what everyone else says, and how they feel when the same courtesy can not be extended to me? I bet you money he hasn't thought about that night since it happened. I can't seem to shut it off...

On a happier note, as I have posted previously, I went to the cemetery and placed flags. I called my father this morning and thanked him for what he was willing to do in Vietnam, and thanked him coming home alive and being my father. As my father he raised me to know that sacrifices have been made, and that I wouldn't be able to do and say the things I can now if it hadn't happened that way. I even thanked him for never telling me that I had to be quiet because I hadn't been there. He didn't understand that, but I didn't explain it because it would have made him angry to know someone else had. I simply said, "don't worry dad. Thank you". I then went outside and hung my flag on the side of the apartment after killing a spider that was on my wall with my shoe.