Friday Funny

An interesting fact about manure:

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. This was before commercial fertilizer was invented, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began. This produced methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles, you can imagine what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks, and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the phrase: "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the floor of the lower decks to keep any water that came into the hold from coming into contact with this cargo.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T", (Ship High In Transit), which has come down through the centuries and is still in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Oprah Winfrey


Today's Quote:
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Beverly Sills


Today's Quote:
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

Thanks to Greta Perry & John Donovan

Second Lt. Perla Kimes


Second Lt. Perla Kimes has her bars of gold pinned on during a commissioning ceremony this summer at the Leader Development and Assessment Course on Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.

Photo Courtesy U.S. Army

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Buddha


Today's Quote:
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you do not try."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Anne Frank


Today's Quote:
"Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others, consider only what by oneself is done or left undone."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: J. R. R. Tolkien


Today's Quote:
"Whoever is happy will make others happy too."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Paramahansa Yogananda


Today's Quote:
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Seneca


Today's Quote:
"Having lots of money while not having inner peace is like dying of thirst while bathing in the ocean."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.)

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. That made his day!

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat, I guess while he traced your number etc.

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Francis of Assisi


Today's Quote:
"Most people fancy themselves innocent of those crimes of which they cannot be convicted."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Mahatma Gandhi


Today's Quote:
"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

Sgt. Dakota Meyer
23 years old from Greensburg, Kentucky
Embedded Training Team 2-8


On September 15, Sgt. Dakota Meyer was awarded the Medal Of Honor by President Obama for his actions on Sept. 8, 2009 in the Ganjgal Valley of Afghanistan when he and Staff Sgt. Juan Rodriguez-Chavez saved 36 fellow Marines when they, and the Afghan military members they were helping to train, came under attack by Taliban insurgents.

His citation reads: For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the repeated risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty as a member of Marine Embedded Training Team 2-8, Regional Corps Advisory Command 3-7, in Kunar Province, Afghanistan, on 8 September 2009. When the forward element of his combat team began to be hit by intense fire from roughly 50 Taliban insurgents dug-in and concealed on the slopes above Ganjgal village, Corporal Meyer mounted a gun-truck, enlisted a fellow Marine to drive, and raced to attack the ambushers and aid the trapped Marines and Afghan soldiers. During a six hour fire fight, Corporal Meyer single-handedly turned the tide of the battle, saved 36 Marines and soldiers and recovered the bodies of his fallen brothers. Four separate times he fought the kilometer up into the heart of a deadly U-shaped ambush. During the fight he killed at least eight Taliban, personally evacuated 12 friendly wounded, and provided cover for another 24 Marines and soldiers to escape likely death at the hands of a numerically superior and determined foe. On his first foray his lone vehicle drew machine gun, mortar, rocket grenade and small arms fire while he rescued five wounded soldiers. His second attack disrupted the enemy’s ambush and he evacuated four more wounded Marines. Switching to another gun-truck because his was too damaged they again sped in for a third time, and as turret gunner killed several Taliban attackers at point blank range and suppressed enemy fire so 24 Marines and soldiers could break-out. Despite being wounded, he made a fourth attack with three others to search for missing team members. Nearly surrounded and under heavy fire he dismounted the vehicle and searched house to house to recover the bodies of his fallen team members. By his extraordinary heroism, presence of mind amidst chaos and death, and unselfish devotion to his comrades in the face of great danger, Corporal Meyer reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."

In addition to the Medal Of Honor, Sgt. Meyer has also been awarded the Expert Marksmanship Badge for Rifle and Pistol, Purple Heart, Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal w/ Valor Device and Marine Corps Good Conduct Medal.

You can read more about Sgt. Dakota Meyer and his actions here.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Dan Bennett


Today's Quote:
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Daniel Burrus


Today's Quote:
"The trouble with a budget is that it's hard to fill up one hole without digging another."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Bonnie Prudden


Today's Quote:
"I think all of us are looking at the future with yesterday's eyes."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Ask Captain Dramatic

I am very proud of my son, but that doesn't mean that I have always been good at keeping up with keeping everyone posted on his Tae Kwon Do progress. I should have posted a video three months ago...

Three months ago Captain Dramatic earned a solid red belt in Tae Kwon Do. We were all so happy for him. As many of you know, when he earns a new belt he gets to break a board. Here is the video I neglected to post at the time.



I realized that I forgot to post the video when I went to post his most recent. Tonight was Captain Dramatic's board breaking ceremony for earning his red belt black stripe. This means he is now a black belt candidate. When he is ready, he will test for his First Dan, or black belt. He wants it so bad he can taste it.

As a mom, it is it the so rewarding to see your child find something that makes him feel good about himself, and it is so special to watch that child succeed at something they really want, and truly had to work for. When black belt test day comes, we are going to be thrilled for him, no matter what the outcome, and cheering for him all the way, just as we have always tried to do.



If you have time, go back through the past videos. I do from time to time. He has come so far.

To learn how you can submit your questions to Captain Dramatic, click here. Don't be shy!

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Emma Goldman


Today's Quote:
"You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Coco Chanel


Today's Quote:
"When we cannot dream any longer we die."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

******************************************


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it..... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started...

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home... I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started...

I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Albert Einstein


Today's Quote:
"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Margaret Thatcher


Today's Quote:
"Nothing happens until something moves."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

Seaman Sha'Quanda Jacobs


Religious Programs Specialist Seaman Sha'Quanda Jacobs rings the bell during commemoration ceremony of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks on the United States at Naval Air Station Oceana.

Photo Courtesy U.S. Navy Taken by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Terah L. Mollise

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Robert Louis Stevenson


Today's Quote:
"I do not know anyone who has got to the top without hard work."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Today's Quote:
"No man is useless while he has a friend."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Aristotle


Today's Quote:
"Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Thomas Carlyle


Today's Quote:
"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Margaret Mead


Today's Quote:
"Popular opinion is the greatest lie in the world."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

An atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,” Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."


I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Len Roberts


Today's Quote:
"We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Allan Williams


Today's Quote:
"You can't fake caring. If you really understand why leaders fail, it's because they are unable to care."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Lily Tomlin


Today's Quote:
"Character is who you are when no one is looking."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Michael

Maj. Albert Brown
105 years old from Pinckneyville, Illinois
Oct. 26, 1905 - Aug. 14, 2011


At 105 years old, Albert Brown was the oldest living living survivor of the Bataan Death March.

In April of 1942, then Capt. Brown and 70,000+ American and Filipinos were marched 66 miles to POW camps on the Bataan peninsula in the Philippines with little food or water. Many were beaten and killed along the way and left where they fell. “One 18-year-old I knew, he fell down,” Mr. Brown said. “A guard came along and put a gun to his head, pulled the trigger and walked away.”

Capt. Brown spent 3 years as a POW where he was beaten; thrown down stairs, seriously injuring his back; and struck in the neck by a rifle butt, causing a fracture. When he was finally freed he weighed just 90 pounds. “We were listed in groups of 10. If one escaped out of the 10, they eliminated the rest of them, killed them. So, at night, just before roll call, you tried to find out if your 10 were still there.”


You can read more about Maj. Albert Brown here

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Eleanor Roosevelt


Today's Quote:
"The road to success is always under construction."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Abraham Lincoln


Today's Quote:
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Thomas Paine


Today's Quote:
"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Abraham Lincoln


Today's Quote:
"Government at its best is a necessary evil, and at its worst, an intolerant one."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Art Buchwald


Today's Quote:
"Force is all conquering, but its victories are short-lived."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young foreign blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian".

I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Ernest Hemingway


Today's Quote:
"The best things in life aren't things."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.