Yesterday's Answer: Thomas Paine
Today's Quote:
"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Abraham Lincoln
Today's Quote:
"I love the man who can smile in trouble, gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Richard Bach
Today's Quote:
"And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.
I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)
Yesterday's Answer: Albert Einstein
Today's Quote:
"In order to live happily and free, you may have to sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
border="1" alt="Chief Warrant Officer 4 Michael McEvers & Chief
alt="U.S. Army">
border="1" alt="Wednesday Hero Logo">Yesterday's Answer: Berthold Auerbach
Today's Quote:
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Nelson Mandela
Today's Quote:
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Abraham Lincoln
Today's Quote:
"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Pokey: Captain Dramatic, how can you be such a cool dude when you live in such a hot place?
P.S. I know you already know it, but you are pretty awesome.
Yesterday's Answer: Emily Dickinson
Today's Quote:
"Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Henry Ward Beecher
Today's Quote:
"Forever is composed of nows."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Will Rogers
Today's Quote:
"It is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
That day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.
I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)
Yesterday's Answer: Martin Luther King, Jr.
Today's Quote:
"A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Kathi
Yesterday's Answer: Marilyn Monroe
Today's Quote:
"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Albert Einstein
Today's Quote:
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Dale Carnegie
Today's Quote:
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Confucius
Today's Quote:
"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Hugh Downs
Today's Quote:
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Maureen Dowd
Today's Quote:
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's rubbish. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
She said:
"Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."
I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.
I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)
Yesterday's Answer: Charles Dickens
Today's Quote:
"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Cindy
Yesterday's Answer: Leo Aikman
Today's Quote:
"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Erica Jong
Today's Quote:
"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Confucius
Today's Quote:
"Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Walter Savage Landor
Today's Quote:
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today's Quote:
"We are no longer happy as soon as we wish to be happier."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Erica Jong
Today's Quote:
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group
was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The mens group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The womens group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model..
The women won.
Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a
sense of humor.
I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.
I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)
Yesterday's Answer: Lawana Blackwell
Today's Quote:
"Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Charles Dickens
Today's Quote:
"Age is no guarantee of maturity."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Michael
Yesterday's Answer: Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today's Quote:
"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
I usually find a wonderful and patriotic slide show to post on my blog for the Fourth Of July, and I may still do that, but I ran across this, and felt I had to share.
You see, it surprised me. I was impressed by what was said, how it was said, and who it was said by. More importantly, I was impressed by how right it was. It doesn't capture everything that makes Americans who they are, or why we feel the way we do, but it comes a lot closer than I have heard previously from a "non-American".
Yesterday's Answer: Art Buchwald
Today's Quote:
"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Today's Quote:
"The best things in life aren't things."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Buddha
Today's Quote:
"It is easier to be wiser for others than for ourselves."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
Yesterday's Answer: Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Today's Quote:
"Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others, consider only what by oneself is done or left undone."
Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.
How countries handle terrorist threats:
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
And in the southern hemisphere...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.
I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)
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