Pet Peeves

OK, so here goes nothing. If you ever wanted a quick peak inside of my head, read closely.

There are a number of things in life that bug the crap out of me. I have never claimed to be the easiest person to live with, hang out with, or love, but I am a good person. This is a fact. If you want to dispute that, we can take this out to the parking lot and settle it. Just kidding.

Anyway...

People who put those stupid megaphone tips on the exhaust of their car are not the sharpest tools it the shed. It does jack for your vehicle's performance, and I can accomplish the same sound for cheaper by knocking the pipe off just past the catalytic converter. I hear cars drive past me, and laugh. They aren't cool. You just proved that you spend your money on frivolous things, and that a girl in Nevada knows more about cars than you. Want to impress me? Get some flow masters.

People who think they know all there is to know about parenting your children, when they A) have none, or B) can not see their own children's short comings, will want to steer a wide path around me. If you have a perfect child, then expect him or her to grow up to be the next Ted Bundy. There is no such thing as a perfect anything that naturally occurs in nature. There is always something wrong. If you can't see it right away then you need to be extra careful. The flaws are in stealth mode, and will ambush you at any time.

The above applies to beautiful people as well. None of them are perfect. They can just hide it better than I can hide my fat. Maybe you will find your knight is shining armor, or your super model, and maybe the flaw they have won't be that big, or you can deal with it, but so many people pass up the real winners in life over something stupid and superficial. Not that it will ever bother my love life. If you can't take me as is, it's your loss. I know too many people who have so much to give others and are passed up because the former prom queen smiles prettier. Those that are passed up have always been the friends I have chosen first, and I have never regretted that. They are still my friends, and I know they always will be. They have never stabbed me in the back, cheated with a boyfriend or my husband, or ditched me when I needed them. They are the friends that will sit on the phone with me for hours when I am at the end of my rope, and call back an hour later because they want to make sure that I am still ok. They are the friends that drive 150 miles to be with me and my son when he is in the ER at 5 AM when my son's father can't be bothered to drive 10 miles. Screw good-looking, rich or popular. My friends are rich in things so many don't have, popular with me, and good-hearted. That is all I need.

Speaking of friends, it is quality, not quantity. If you have confused that, then God help you. Life is not a popularity contest. I will not compete with anyone for anything. I am much too busy living my life. You have to laugh at girls who compete for attention from the same man. If you have to compete with other girls or his friends to get his attention, and he isn't devoted to you because you are you, and only you, then trust me, from personal experience, he isn't worth having. He is a bottom feeder out for himself. This applies to women too guys.

Selfishness is another thing I hate. I hate people who think the sun rises and sets on them. It rises in the east and sets in the west, and for the record, the world doesn't revolve around you. If you think it does, then you must have put on more weight than you thought during the holiday season and created your own gravitational pull. Jenny Craig is running specials right now for those of you having this problem.

I hate the way people drive in a Wal-Mart parking lot. It is almost as if people get to a Wal-Mart and their IQs drop 100 points. If you want the close spot at the front and are waiting for the person to back out, do not honk your horn because they decide to return the cart to the cart return area. If you do that to me, you are going to be there a long time. I have a good air conditioner in my car and will sit there and read, smoke a cigarette, and play word games with my son for as long as it takes for you to give up and go else where. Honking the horn more is only going to worsen your plight, not to mention give my son and I something to laugh at as we try to find things that match the same shade of red your face has become. I have patience and I am stubborn beyond belief and will out-wait your butt any day. In fact, I have been known to go back into the Wal-Mart. If you are that much of hurry or lack that much patience the last place you need to be is a Wal-Mart.

I hate people who say things like, "if that was my kid, I would..." or "when I have kids, mine will never do that". I have seven words for you. No, you won't and yes, they will. If you disagree, talk to your parents. Chances are, you did it at least once, and you still walk this Earth, so they didn't do what you swear you would do if your kids ever acted like that. If you still disagree, talk to me when you do have kids, right around the time they learn to talk. You will be singing a different tune.

I can not stand people who have an entitlement mentality. This is a very broad generalization, and I know that there are some that are exceptions to what I am about to say, but they are too many who aren't. The Constitution does not say that because your parents were persecuted a hundred years ago that you are allowed to cop an attitude and call everything racism because you cant get what you want. It doesn't say that if you can't find a job that you can blame it on all of the immigrants that you think took them. It isn't any LIVING persons fault that your ancestors were persecuted, and it isn't an immigrant farm workers fault you wont work for two dollars a day picking fruit in the central California heat. You are entitled to what you are willing to work for, and if you aren't willing to work for it that that is your fault. You want respect, you have to earn it, you want the mansion on the hill, you have to work for it, you want your dream job, you have to work for it. If you aren't willing to put forth the work, than you aren't deserving of the benefits.

I can't stand people who pass down their edict and then ask you if you agree. If you don't, that doesn't change anything. I heard this one today at the sandwich shop I went to for lunch. A man was telling his soon to be ex-girlfriend that he thought that they should start seeing other people, and then asked her what her opinion on the matter was. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. Like her opinion would have mattered. If he was throwing the suggestion out there, than chances were that he was already seeing other people or planned on doing it anyway. Why do some people do this? If the question starts with "I think", than the person who said I think probably already made up their mind on the matter and there will be nothing you can do to change it. Well, maybe not always, but nine times out of ten this is a pretty safe assumption. "I think we should start seeing other people" is not a phrase that can be followed with "What do you think?" with someone like me within earshot. Other phrases that can not be followed with "what do you think?" are "I think that you father is a real asshole" or "I think that your husband is gay" or "I think that your best friend is weird" or the age old classic "I think we should just be friends". Never ask what the other person thinks when the answer is staring you in the face. If they thought the way you did, they wouldn't speak to their father, be married to their husband, have that particular person as their best friend, or have been dating you in the first place. By the way, if anyone ever tells you "it isn't you, it's me" then it is them. They have problems and count your blessings you found out when you did. It could always have been worse.

Home Owners Associations bother me. I lived in one. I will never do it again. The first time I got fined $100.00 for putting the hood of my car up in the driveway to add washer fluid I vowed that I would never pay anyone $75.00 a month to ensure that I lived in Nazi Germany. I don't care if I do get cable and an indoor heated pool at the club house. From now on, if my neighbor has a car up on cinder blocks in his drive way, and prunes his hedges in the shape of a penis I will smile because I can add washer fluid to my car in my driveway.

People who can't figure out how to use a turn signal work my last nerve. They are not there for decoration. If you jump into my lane at the last minute with out using your signal and I almost hit you, don't flip me off. You are the idiot, not me. My crystal ball is broken and although ESP would be nice, I do not have it. If for some reason they aren't working, that isn't my problem either. Go to your local auto parts store and request blinker fluid. If it is just an issue of stupidity or road rage then get off the road. You don't belong there. PERIOD!!!

Ok, so those are the big ones. I am difficult aren't I? There are only a few other things I wouldn't do around me, but they are small compared to those. Do not spill fish food in my bed and expect me to clean it up, do not squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, and for Gods sake, put the cap back on it. If you spill something on the kitchen counter or floor, clean it up. If you can't change a dirty diaper, do not have children. If you use the last of the toilet paper, replace it. If you have women in your house, put the seat on the toilet down all the time, or at least before bed, as we tend to fall in if you don't. There is nothing worse than an rear end soaked in toilet water in the middle of the night, and if you were the one who left it up, I will be happy to dry my butt on you upon returning to bed. If you see a cobweb on my vaulted ceiling (when I had one), do not bitch about it. If it is still up there, I either can't reach it or it isn't bothering me. If it is bothering you, get it yourself. If you don't like the way I am doing something, don't ask me for help and do it yourself. Never argue with children, they are the child, you are the adult. Last but not least, if you don't want to be mothered, stop acting like you need one.

Thank you for letting me vent. I feel better.