Friday Funny

Skinny Dipping


An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "we're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Some old men can still think fast



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Wednesday's Hero

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Michael

Capt. Joseph McConnell 32 years old from Dover, New Hampshire 39th Fighter-Interceptor Squadron, 51st Fighter-Interceptor Wing January 30 1922 – August 25 1954

At the age of 28, Joseph McConnell was considered too old be a jet pilot in Korea, but he wouldn't let that stop him. He persisted and was assigned to 39th Fighter-Interceptor Squadron, 51st Fighter-Interceptor Wing in 1952 and was credited with shooting down 16 enemy planes in a four month period and became America's first
Triple Jet Ace when he shot down three of those planes in a single day.

You Can Read More About Capt. Joseph McConnell here and here.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of Wednesday Hero. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Lucille Ball


Today's Quote:
"All bad precedents begin with justifiable measures."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Eleanor Roosevelt


Today's Quote:
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Lao Tzu


Today's Quote:
"It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Mervyn Deitel


Today's Quote:
"The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

Maj. Britt Reed


Maj. Britt Reed reads a Dr. Seuss book to children during a celebration of Dr. Seuss' birthday at Fort Rucker Primary School March 2.

Photo Courtesy U.S. Army Taken By Angela Williams

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of Wednesday Hero. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: G. K. Chesterton


Today's Quote:
"The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Robert Heinlein


Today's Quote:
"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Emily Dickinson


Today's Quote:
"Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Leonardo da Vinci


Today's Quote:
"Forever is composed of nows."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: William Allen White


Today's Quote:
"At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

The Power of a Badge.

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs, "Your badge. Show him your BADGE!"



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Ronald Reagan


Today's Quote:
"Liberty is the only thing you cannot have unless you are willing to give it to others."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Wednesday's Hero

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Michael

Capt. Albert H. Rooks
50 years old from Colton, Washington December 29, 1891 - March 1, 1942

On March 1, 1942, Captain Albert Harold Rooks, along with the majority of the crew of the USS Houston perished in the line of duty. The mere 368 survivors of the crew of more than 1,000 would be taken into captivity by the Japanese for the duration of the war and subjected to hard labor. Rooks was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions aboard the Houston.

You Can Read More About Capt. Rooks Here

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero. Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of Wednesday Hero. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: BB King


Today's Quote:
"The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Confucius


Today's Quote:
"The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Ayn Rand


Today's Quote:
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: John Stuart Mill


Today's Quote:
"Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: Sir James Dewar


Today's Quote:
"One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.

Friday Funny

Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.



I will probably offend everyone of you at least once, although I never intend to. Please take these for what they are. They are jokes. The world needs a bit more laughter.

I would love to hear your jokes as well. Feel free to email them to me, or leave them in the comments below. If I feature yours, I will ask for your website, so I can link back to you. :)

Quote Of The Day

Yesterday's Answer: George Eliot


Today's Quote:
"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."

Submissions are welcome, but it means you can't guess on the quote you submitted. If you have a submission, please email it to mrsxoke@gmail.com. Be sure to include your name as you wish it to appear with your submission, a link to your web page or blog, and the name of the person who said or wrote your quote.